Each Morning

Understanding Spoon Theory: My Daily Battle with FND

Hello everyone,

Today, I want to share a piece of my life that revolves around something called Spoon Theory. This metaphor, originally coined by Christine Miserandino, is a way to explain the limited energy reserves that people with chronic illnesses have to manage every day. For those who are new to this, imagine your energy as a currency, a finite reserve where each action you take is a withdrawal.

I’ve been struggling lately due to my Functional Neurological Disorder (FND), a condition that causes a range of symptoms like muscle weakness, pain, and fatigue. Trying to balance my daily activities sometimes feels so impossible. I often feel vulnerable and overwhelmed by the simple act of trying to contain too much.

Here’s a poem I wrote that expresses my experience with Spoon Theory:

Each morning

I count,

my spoons.

Some days 

they are heavy 

like lead 

on my fingertips.

People ask 

how do you feel? 

I say 

fine 

because 

explaining 

the inventory 

of pain 

is a language 

they don't speak.

Imagine 

your energy 

as currency, 

a finite reserve, 

each action 

a withdrawal.

Showers cost 

three spoons, 

brushing teeth 

just one, 

but leaving the house— 

that’s a 

small fortune.

They wonder 

why I cancel 

plans 

last minute. 

How could I 

begin to explain 

the weight 

of fatigue 

or the invisible wars 

my body fights?

Chronic illness, 

a thief 

stealing without warning. 

But still, 

I rise, 

I budget 

my life 

in teaspoons 

and gentle steps.

To those 

who google 

what is spoon theory, 

know 

it is my way 

of saying 

I am doing my best 

with what I have.

Every smile, 

a victory. 

Every hug, 

a triumph. 

Every yes, 

a deliberate gift 

I give 

to you.

So next time 

you ask 

how are you, 

know 

my answer is 

a reflection 

of what I can spare.

Understand, 

even when I am not 

fine, 

I am always 

trying.

In this world 

of unspoken battles, 

I am 

a warrior 

with a teaspoon 

shield.

- Aspen